Q. Why is living together such a volatile relationship?

A. The first question I ask when a woman calls me to complain that her live-in partner won't commit is "Why are you still there?" Men experience the same problem, but to a much lesser degree. However, the answer is the same: "Why are you still there?"

Living-together couples (LTCs) who don't have marriage in sight; haven't discussed the subject, and don't know where their relationship is headed don't get it. Living together is not a marriage audition. Marriage is a diamond. Granted you need to brush it off once in a while-maintain it. But it's real! Trial marriage is a cheap copy-a cubic zirconia. Sooner or later, it will cloud-over. If both partners know that going in, then it's okay. Nonetheless, even in this day and age, to many, it's immoral.

LTCs are deluding themselves if they think differently. My research proves one partner almost always wants to get married. One partner almost always gets hurt. One partner is copping out; buying time, using the other partner. Trial marriage can be a cruel parody. Trouble is, many LTCs don't want to hear any of this until it's too late. They rush to move in together, giving less thought about the actual character of the person with whom they're cohabiting than the euphoric, spontaneous sex and cheaper, shared rent. Then, surprise! You're not who I thought you were.

Unable to face reality, few LTCs buy Test Driving Marriage. "I don't want to know about it!" "With me, it will be different!" But in fact, only 50% of LTCs get married. If they do, it's proven they have a higher divorce rate than those who went the traditional route of dating, going steady, getting engaged, then married. Few would marry someone they knew for only three weeks. However, it's scary! Lots of people who know each other only three weeks move in together.

Fortunately, loved ones and associates are grabbing up Test Driving Marriage for their family members and friends opting out of marriage. They know the answer to "If we're not married why am I washing his jockey shorts?" Many hope I can talk some sense into these people's heads. When in fact it's simple: "Why buy the milk when you can have the cow for free?" Something for free has no value. Contradicting popular opinion, you'll find out why living together is less egalitarian than marriage.

Going nowhere, LTCs who recognize their relationship is unhealthy find reading "Test Driving Marriage" gives them the confidence to walk away, develop autonomy, and find inner peace, personal forgiveness, and security-armed for a future marriage's give and take. Ironically, other readers will finish the book knowing when living together makes sense.

Reading Test Driving Marriage improves self-esteem, helps an unhappy partner get what's monetarily and physically owed to him or her (living together and breaking up is a financial burden). And since they know who is wrong for them, my book sets them on the track to looking for the right partner who will bring out and support the best in them. A small investment for a huge payback!